Give Up on Fearlessness

I recently joined a Facebook group for pet owners to connect, after I accidentally let the dog out during a storm and she fucking ran away. Then I realized, that shit is like a common occurrence…every time a storm is on its way someone posts on the site a little warning, with advice to lock up your dogs. I just find it so strange that they would run out of a warm, dry house into the cold, dark stormy whether. Our dog Betty, or Nervous Betty as I’ve come to know her, is terrified of storms. She gets all nervy and shaky and really invades your personal space when a storm hits. But, when the opportunity arises, when the back door gets left open and the sky is putting on a light show she fucking jumps the goddamn fence and bolts into the big wide world beyond our house.

Now, I’m well aware that Betty probably just gets so scared she loses all sense but I’m going to make something of her situation here.

Imagine if we all ran into our fears with that same sense of willingness and determination as Betty? Imagine how our worlds would change.

I still don’t know why dogs run into a storm but I know that we can learn something from that. As we approach our fears we have two options- do we run at them, head on, giving them everything we have? Or do we cower in a life of mediocrity, wondering why nothing improves? When we run into our fears we grow, we expand as a human. When we put ourselves in the most uncomfortable situation and get through it, our comfort zone must follow suit and grow with us. It is in our nature as humans to run from our fears rather than into them. But I reckon that we should just channel the courage/stupidity of nervous Betty and want to conquer that fear so badly that you’ll jump the fence.

I don’t believe in being completely fearless. Being fearless sounds kind of cool and I always thought people that seemed fearless were somehow better than me. But you know what, fuck that shit. Fearlessness is overrated.

When it comes to facing fears, courage is what I seek to find within. Courage is what Betty has, because believe me, she’s definitely not fearless.

It’s courage that’s going to get us to run into our fears with grace. It’s courage that’s going to have us follow through with what we said we’d do even when we’re scared. It’s courage that will have us dive into the very depths of the ocean and then swim around with the sharks. It’s courage we’re looking for.

Stop resisting and pushing and start freakin’ embracing!

Resistance never feels good. Fighting emotions never feels right. So now, I’m giving myself permission to be scared. I’m giving myself permission to openly admit when I’m afraid of something. I’m giving myself acceptance.

Find the part of yourself that wants to run into the storm, that is excited about the possibilities of who you could become after you have roamed the streets in the pouring rain, the part of you that craves something that is just out of reach, just out of comfort. Cultivate the courage to run, full pelt, into your greatest fears and watch yourself as you grow, watch your comfort zone expand. Revel in the uncomfortableness, rejoice in your fear, knowing it holds the key to unlock your true potential. Do this and watch your playing field expand, watch yourself reach new heights and experience joy that was not previously conceivable.

Because, what’s sexier than someone who’s fearless? Someone who courageously and gracefully runs into the storm.

If you need a hand searching for the courage that is within you then get in contact. I’m offering a free life coaching session to anyone who wishes to reach new heights. You’ve just gotta be willing.

Contact: hsaddleton@hotmail.com

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I’ll be broken til I’m dead…

When I was 18 and in my partying prime, I’d been at a party in the bush all night. When it was time to leave I felt this annoying weird thing on my neck, I showed my friend and we concluded it was some kind of scab or something that I had scratched the shit out of during the night. When I got home I put a band aid on it, had a 10 minute nap and went to work, like a proper 18 year old. While I was at work my hands were swelling up and I felt a bit dizzy…I figured it was alcohol poisoning from the horrific amount of goon I’d drunk.

After I finished work I went to see another friend and she wanted to see the disgusting scab that was under the band-aid. I pulled off the band-aid to show her and she was freakin’ disgusted to realize a tick was burying himself in my neck. Gnarly and gross, I know.

I had put a band-aid over the tick and encouraged it to go deeper.

Just as I have done in the past, when I’ve found myself feeling scared or lonely or hurt, I’ve put a band-aid on it and allowed it to bury deeper.

In the context of issues or shit coming up for us if we come from a place of frustration, of resistance we don’t get far. It is when we can ACCEPT our issues, our mistakes and our imperfections as part of our growth that we can CHOOSE how we would prefer to feel.

See, there is this Hindu Goddess, Akhilandeshvari. Her name translates to ‘never not broken’.

My interpretation of the Goddess may be a little different to some. But you know what draws me to her, why I see myself in her and her in me? It’s the fact that admitting that you are never not broken is kind of a no fucks given attitude.

Understanding and believing that we are never not broken is a freakin’ relief. At times we will feel less than joyful, and those moments, those feelings, those days give us the power to face our fears and chase our dreams.

It is from that incredible, exposed, open and vulnerable place that we can chose to elegantly navigate our way through the shitstorm and over to the sunshine. We don’t have to strive for enlightenment! Fuck that, I’ll be enlightened when I’m dead, thank you! All we need is the tools, the vulnerability and the grace to navigate our way through our deepest fears and darkest thoughts.

When something comes up for us, when we feel shitty, putting a band-aid over it and pretending it isn’t there allows the tick to bury deeper. Then you go from having a tick to having swollen hands and dizzy spells. You need to get the tweezers out and pluck that little fucker out of your neck before he has the opportunity to affect the rest of your life. You’ve gotta cultivate the freakin’ courage within to face the issue as soon as you recognize it.

It is when I am reminded that I am never not broken that I find relief. I am never not broken, it is never done, I’ll never be enlightened, forever a work in progress. Forever navigating my way through the shitstorm. Feeling out the cluster fuck that is in my mind. Feeling it because I know it brings immediate relief while knowing I don’t need to be fixed. Akhilandeshvari.

I know my issues are popping up, the beliefs that no longer serve me are beginning to stand out, rearing their ugly yet strikingly beautiful heads, but I am not afraid run into the shitstorm. I am not afraid to face the little cunts and win a stare off. I am not afraid to grab the tweezers and go for it. And while I’m calling them cunts I have a ferocious love for those little fuckers, for if they weren’t there this wouldn’t be life. If they weren’t popping up now I would be living my life with them burying deeper, dancing in my subconscious, poisoning my mind as the tick was poisoning my body.

What a fucking beautiful way to live. Waiting for the fuckers to pop up so I can dive into the issue and feel my way out and onto the next.

When you are broken, you are powerful. Forget about fixing yourself and focus on accepting. And when you fail to accept, accept that.

Never not broken, kind of baddass right?

A Drop in the Ocean

I had a funny thought the other day… I was in the health food store buying some cacao for my legendary boss, who instructed me to get the small packet of the brand he normally gets. They didn’t have it. They had the larger size and also smaller sizes of other brands. The larger size was considerably bigger, I knew he was with a client so I couldn’t call to ask which he’d prefer so I was going to have to make a judgment call. I fucking hate making judgment calls. I stood there for 10 freakin’ minutes analyzing each brand. It would have been funny to watch…I picked up the bigger packet, started to walk away then changed my mind, this happened a few times and then I realized something.

 

I am this formation of cells, of energy, of some kind, just using a body as my vessel through this thing we named life. I’m going to exchange some shiny paper that’s worth something for some powdered shit from South America. I’m worried because I’m not sure whether to get more of the powdery shit or less, just in a different packet. Same shit, my shiny paper just goes to some other cunt. I’m in a shop in Coffs Harbour, in Australia, on a planet, in the universe. Just worried about making the right decision. What a fucking funny situation to be in. WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT WHAT CACAO I GET??

 

It seems almost self-centered and self absorbed that I thought this was a problem I should even bother to think about. There’s people out there dying of bloody malnutrition and starvation and I’m questioning the brand of cacao? Once I remembered that I’m just this heap of cells I remembered how much fun life is, how playful life can be, that life shouldn’t be taken so bloody seriously.

 

I got the fucking small packet of cacao and got the fuck outa there so I could live my goddamn life.

 

At the end of the day the small shit doesn’t matter in the slightest. Ask yourself next time you are staring at the ocean whether or not the small imperfections in each wave make a difference to the beauty of the ocean? Or is it the small imperfections that make the ocean so beautiful, so powerful?

 

My whole existence was brought into perspective when I thought to myself one day ‘each of us could be likened to a wave in the ocean.’

 

The ocean is our universal existence. It is eternal, connected and imperfectly perfect. Each wave is just our physical form, a representation of who we are, a physical journey through life. Each wave is different yet fucking beautiful, just like mankind. Some last a while, some a short and sweet, but none more or less valuable than another. Occasionally there is a destructive, ferocious wave, but beauty lies in that, for without that destructive fucker, all other waves would not be as is. Just as each person that enters this Earth provides something unique and special, and is an essential being for the evolution of mankind. Proving that every one and every thing is on the perfect path, not only for them but also for humanity and the universe as a whole.

 

And just as the ocean is one, so are we. Each wave is an expression of the ocean, and when the wave ends the water does not disappear, the water continues to thrive well after the wave has broken, highlighting our eternal existence.

 

We should make it our primary intention to ride our waves the best we can. To allow Mother Nature to shape us, to trust that the universe sees the ocean and is conspiring a grand plan beneficial to the whole ocean, a grand plan that includes evolution, where sometimes things need to go ‘wrong’ before they can be ‘right’.

 

What reason is there to chase anything but fun, connection and joy when you see life from this perspective?

I take inspiration from my old self righteous, arrogant self and mold that righteousness into waking up every day knowing that I have the right to feel good. That I have the right to thrive. That I have the right to choose feeling good.

 

How can anything go wrong when we know this?

 

It is the not what the wave is made up of, it is the way the wave composes itself. It is the grace or the ferocity that is visible. And when the wave is nothing but a beautiful memory, the ocean is still as full as when the wave broke.

On a sidenote, I totally made out to my boss like it was the easiest decision I’ve made all week. If it weren’t for this confession he would never know that I almost sent myself grey trying to decide which fucking cacao to get.